"...what's my age again?"

I've been lacking in sleep lately due to the fact that I have the most random trains of thought these days. For the past few nights, I have been thinking about how much my generation differs from the previous one, and how people my age (including myself) just cling onto their youth/childhood as much as humanly possible.



I'm talking about how, for example, if you watch movies/t.v shows from the early 90s, you often see college students depicted as intellectual, mature, refined individuals. As a kid, I always had in my head that the college students on t.v., who were supposed to be 19-21 years old but dressed/acted like they were 40, were the real deal, and that someday when I was in college, that's how life would be. You know, wearing a sweet, oversize sweater with khaki pants, glasses on the tip of my nose, hair pulled back in a braid, sitting around sipping on Cappuccino while discussing the works of (insert great poet or novelist here, who only writes the most complex pieces that nobody truly understands, but pretend to so they can develop pretentious theories just to hear themselves speak).  In reality, college (for me) was all about making the good grades in order to graduate with a degree to get a decent enough job to make  living, and having as many parties as possible in between. The things I discussed with my college friends were movies, music, current t.v. shows and what time we were all meeting at the bar to dance and drink our faces off on "Thirsty Thursdays." I wore band t-shirts and screen tees and owned converse sneakers in every color of the rainbow, and I listened to nothing but Coheed and Cambria, NFG, Dashboard Confessional, Taking Back Sunday, and any other underground, or not-so-underground, but also not-so-well-known punk, emo, etc. bands. The difference between high school Laura and college Laura? Um...I stopped living at home at the age of 19 and that's about it. I didn't change, and I'm still not that different. I still wear those converse sneakers, I still wear those band/screen tees, I STILL shop in the Juniors section at Boscov's and other stores, and I still watch kiddie shows, movies, teen melodramas, and I am an extreme sucker for anything Disney related. I buy stuffed animals and dolls for MYSELF (but like, not in a creepy/sad way like on Hoarders), and I named my first born child after a character in the Coheed and Cambria storyline. If that's not clinging to my youth, I don't know what is. I'm 25 going on 17 half of the time, and as much as I am INLOVE with my daughter, I completely admit that on the nights when my mom offers to take Chase overnight so Mark and I can do whatever (movies, concerts, parties...) I feel so carefree and I try to act as childish as I can. I am a damn good mom, or at least I think/hope that I am, and I do everything for my daughter. I am responsible and mature when I NEED to be, and I can get my priorities straight when necessary, but for the most part, all I want to do is hang on to that kid in me for as long as I can. I know for a fact that  I'm so NOT alone in this. I have friends who won't get married or have a baby in their 20s...like, flat out REFUSE to settle down because they're just not finished being young at heart yet.  I have friends who are closer to 30 than I am, but who still live at home with their parents, and guess what? This day in age, that is 100% acceptable!! Years ago if a guy told a girl he was on a date with that he lived at home with his parents, she would have scoffed and said, "See ya later, loser." But today, if a guy says, "I still live at home," the girl's reply will most likely be, "Cool, so do I." What is it with my generation? Were we babied too much by our parents? Is that why we have a hard time accepting the fact the 90s are over? Why do a majority of us still blare Backstreet Boys and Spice Girls when their songs pop up on a mix? When will I ever be too old for t-shirts that say things like, "Warning, Pandas Are Bears"? Or how about a few weekends ago when Mark and I sent Chase to my mom's for the night so we, our friends, and my cousin could go to Dave&Busters to play games all night long...We spent the whole night racking up tickets so we could get prizes like we were 8! You know what I got as a prize? Papa fucking Smurf and some laffy taffys, and I considered it a victory. Mark will be 30 in April, and he still likes to be left alone with his videogames, just like when he was 13. A lot of guys are like that...it's just our generation. My mom tells me all these stories about her teen years and all the fun/goofy things she did with her friends, but she stopped doing those things when she was like, 23. I think she forgets what "fun" is sometimes. She's content with staying in and watching horror movies on demand...but I always need more than that. My parents don't really have friends any more, but Mark and I do and we're trying to keep them till the day we die. I'm always making plans with people, always ready to go out and have fun, and I think that's partially the reason why (and this is totes gonna make me sound like a bad mom/selfish to you) Mark and I keep thinking about keeping Chase as an only child. I can't make up my mind about this decision, but it's like, I have a very small amount of friends who have grown up entirely and want a ton of kids...these people just seemed so tied down to me. I'm not ready for that right now. I love being a mom,I really do, but being a mom to 1 gives me the best of both worlds. You see, I get to be the best mom I can be, and I still get to cling to my childhood a little. It's like I'm straddling a boarder between 2 states. One foot is on the Mom/wife/homeowner/responsibleworkingadult side, while the other is on the Friend/fun/silly/childish/let'shavean80sthemedparty side. A friend of mine actually texted me this morning letting me know when she is having her Halloween party this year. She and I are both REALLY in to Halloween, and we also share the same friends, so we check with one another each year to make sure we don't have our parties on the same night. I couldn't believe she texted me about it because just last night, during my random train of thought, I was thinking which weekend would be best to have the Halloween party. See, Mark and I are making a comeback this year because last Halloween I was 9 months pregnant, so having a party was completely out of the question (see, responsible...sometimes). Halloween is usually our biggest/best party, and that's something we don't want to ever give up. Maybe some day we will incorporate everyone's kids as well, but I only have 3 or 4 close friends who have/are having babies and are married, and my group of best friends are all single which is why we can ALWAYS make fun plans, while my other acquaintances are still going to bars every weekend, seeing our favorite bands in concert on week nights, and just all around living life to the fullest. So you can see why I'm kind of in and out of these 2 "states," and I don't mind hanging out in this limbo for a while.
Anyway, there's a lot to be said about this generation, and who knows the real reason why we are the way we are. It will be interesting to see how Chase's generation turns out with parents like all of us. I can pretty much guarantee that I'll be the 50-something year old mom with converse on her feet, Coheed in her ears, and highlights in her hair. Let's just hope I don't look 50 when I'm 50...

A Few Recipes

So, I don't really have anything exciting or interesting to write about today, so I figured I'd post some of my favorite recipes for those of you who enjoy cooking. These recipes are pretty easy. Some of them are my own creations, others are recipes that have been borrowed or altered from the internet. Enjoy!

Laura's Twisted 5 Cheese and Mac: (my recipe...obviously)

1 C milk (I prefer to use skim, to semi- help reduce the calories in this dish)
2 TBSP Butter (or margarine)
2 TBSP Garlic/Basil blend (McCormick sells this)
3 C shredded cheddar cheese (any brand will do, but I prefer Cracker Barrel)
2 C white cheddar shredded cheese
2 C of three a three cheese blend (shredded)
1 cup seasoned bread crumbs
1 Box of your favorite twisted pasta (I use Cavatappi pasta)

In a large pot,cook pasta according to package instructions. Drain, and set aside.
In a large pot, bring milk, butter, and garlic/basil to a slight boil. Keep heat at medium-high, and gradually stir in the different types of cheese. Whisk until cheese is completely melted and reaches a creamy texture. Turn heat back to low, and stir in pasta. Make sure pasta is entirely coated with cheese, then transport to a 9X13 baking pan. Sprinkle with breadcrumbs,bake at 350 for 35 mins., and enjoy!!


Herb and Citrus Roast Chicken (my recipe)

1 roasting chicken (thawed)
2 oranges
1 lemon
1 container frozen orange juice (from concentrate)...thawed
1 TBSP Rosemary
2 cloves garlic (pressed)
1/2 tbsp pepper
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 C Chicken Stock
1 TBSP Parsley
1/2 tsp paprika

Preheat oven to 425. Cut oranges and lemons into 4ths.
Set chicken aside in a baking pan (I use my 13X9 for this). Rub down with salt and pepper, and paprika. In a blender, blend together orange juice, parsley, and garlic. Squeeze in juice from half of an orange, and half of a lemon. Brush mixture onto chicken, and sprinkle with rosemary. Add chicken stock to the pan. Stuff chicken with lemon and orange slices. Let chicken cook in oven for 2-3 hours until golden-brown, basting every 40 mins. or so to keep moist. Add more stock to the pan if necessary.

Garlic and Balsamic Green Beans (my recipe)
1 package Quick & Easy fresh green beans  (or just regular fresh cut green beans from your super market...I prefer the Quick&Easy version because it's...well...hence the name, ya know?)
1 clove of garlic (pressed)
2 TBSP Butter or Margarine
1-2 TBSP Balsamic Vinaigrette dressing

Cook green beans according to package instructions (or steam till desired tenderness, if not using the packaged green beans)
In a medium sized skillet, melt butter over medium-low heat, and add garlic. Let garlic saute for 2-3 minutes in melted butter.  Add green beans and toss with the garlic and butter until beans are coated. Remove from heat, and transfer to a serving dish. Drizzle balsamic dressing over beans, serve, and enjoy!

"Grandma Gracie's Lemon Cake" (Gooseberry Patch, Homestyle Cooking cookbook)
1 pkg. yellow cake mix
1 pkg. instant lemon pudding mix
3/4 c oil
3/4 c water
4 eggs, beaten
 Combine all ingredients, mix well. Pour into greased 13X9 baking pan. Bake at 350 for 35-40 mins. Immediately poke holes through cake w/a fork, pour glaze over cake, and garnish w/powdered sugar. (10-12 servings)
Glaze:
2 c powdered sugar
2 T butter
2 T water
1/3 c lemon juice
Mix all ingredients together in a small bowl



Chocolate Banana Cupcakes (altered from the lemon cake recipe)
1 pkg. chocolate cake mix
1 pkg. banana instant pudding mix
3/4 c oil
3/4 c water
4 eggs, beaten.

Combine all ingredients, mix well. Pour into lined cupcake pan, bake until toothpick comes out clean (or 35 mins.-40 mins)

Glaze:
2 c powdered sugar
2 T melted butter
2 T water
1 T Vanilla
Blend all ingredients, brush over cupcakes, then garnish with powdered sugar.

Soo...that's all I'm going to post for now. I have a lot more up my sleeve, perhaps I will share more at a later date. Happy cooking.

"it's been a while since I..." something something something

Title=that Staind song. Remember that one? It popped into my head because I was thinking it's been a while since I last blogged, but I can never remember the whiny lyrics of Aaron Lewis. "It's been a while since I could look at myself straight, and it's been a while since I"...did stuff and some other words.
Well, we took our first family vacation. We went from June 17th-23rd to Rehoboth Beach. Packing for an infant sucks! We had to bring her stroller, pack n'play, enough clothes for 6 days (which is a lot, because babies may need a wardrobe change at any given moment from spit up, leaking diapers, and just general messiness). We also had to bring along plenty of jarred food and formula. I drive a little toyota corolla, so packing all of the baby's stuff, plus our suitcases was a bitch. Coming home was even worse because we bought a bunch of stuff at the outlets, and we gave my cousin a ride back with us.(His family has a condo in Rehoboth, so they were there visiting as well). We somehow managed to squeeze everything into the trunk and tucked some things behind the passenger seat so that my cousin could sit semi-comfortably in the backseat.
But anyway, the vacation was much needed and it was a lot of fun. We went swimming, relaxed on the beach, spent a day at the waterpark, did some shopping, ate at some awesome restaurants, went on rides, played games (and won a ton of unnecessary prizes, including a giant stuffed gorilla!), walked the boards, and spent quality time with family. It was awesome, and despite the insane amount of stuff you need to bring for an infant, the trip was well worth it and I can't wait till our next trip. I'm actually saving up for Disney World. My uncle owns a house 4 miles from the parks, and he says family can stay there any time, but I want the FULL Disney World experience. I want to stay in a fancy hotel within the park, so we don't have to drive any where. I am on this insane Disney kick lately, where I can't seem to stay out of the Disney store and keep buying all these collectible things that i have no real use for, and really have nowhere to put them! I get into these weird Disney phases every few years, and I suppose now that i have a child, the whole "kid at heart" notion is coming back into full swing. I just want to give her everything, and since I have never been to Disney world, I thought it would be nice to experience it together, even though she probably won't recall this since we'll most likely be going before she even turns 2. That's my goal, anyway. I want to go during the winter months. I never understand why people visit Florida in the Summer months. It's way too damn hot down there. I've been to Florida in May, and it was scorching then. I can't imagine what it's like in June-August. I want to go when the weather is warm enough to go swimming, but not so hot that waiting in line for rides makes me feel like I'm going to burst into flames.
In other news, one of my good friends is moving to California next week, and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I'm happy for him because he's doing what none of my other friends (nor I) have the courage to do, and that's following his REAL dream. If he doesn't make it out there, at least he can say he tried and went for it, which is something I can never say. My realistic dream was to become a teacher (which, in this state, I wish I would have picked a different dream because teachers are being laid off left and right, and it's next to impossible to get a job in a decent district). My REAL dream was to be a famous author of fiction novels. I have had so many concepts for stories in my head, and I have been told by many teachers and peers throughout my life that I have what it takes to sell a book, but I never tried. I have sat at the computer for hours typing up these great stories, but as soon as I hit a block, I never go back. I don't try hard enough because I don't have the patience, and these days, hardly the time. I guess that's why I blog, just so I can get some thoughts out...even if they're about my simple life and really not creative. Maybe some day I'll get back into it and get my name out there. I'm also just really afraid of rejection. I mean, nobody likes to be rejected, but I have this unresolved anxiety about making people happy. I aim to please because I constantly feel the need to be accepted by my friends and family. I also contradict myself because while I aim to please, I don't care what "outsiders" think of me. If you're not my friend or a member in my family, and you have something negative to say about me, I could care less. But if you actually do know me, and you say something negative to me/about me, I take it very personally and get over-emotional. And I know why I am like this, but I'm not going to delve into that on here. I know myself all too well, and I know where my issues come from, so I will never need to see a therapist. :p
Wow, I went off on this crazy tangent yet again...sorry. What I was saying before that rant was I'm not sure how I feel about my friend leaving. As I said, I'm happy for him and I'm glad he's doing this for himself, but I'm hoping my small circle of friends doesn't fall apart. I know we all have to grow up and move on at some point, but does it have to be right now? I got married and had a baby, but I ALWAYS have time for my friends and I am fortunate enough to still have a very active social life. I guess I always looked at myself as being the only true "grown up" in my group, and relied on my boys to just stay as they are forever. Incredibly selfish and kinda bitchy, believe me, I know. I just love how we are with each other. We have had some great times together, and I'm just worried that because this one friend is moving on, the rest will too and then we'll all lose touch, never hang out again, then I'll become one of those parents who has no friends. Mark and I always talk about that...how we don't want to get older without friends around. Sometimes you just need that little break from life...no spouse, no kids, no family issues to just be with your friends. Even if it's just out for a quick lunch or something. I look at my mom and see how she's just content with being inside watching movies on Demand...that may work for her, but I need more than that in my life. I can remember my mom at my age having game nights with her friends and going out at night on weekends...but now she doesn't do that. I know that nothing lasts forever, but with this particular group of friends, my one wish is that we always make time for game night or dinner somewhere. I love them with all my heart, and every time I try to remember how my time was spent before I met them, I can't picture it. I know parties and outings happened with different people once, and I guess those were good times, too, but they pale in comparison to what my life is with this group. I'd like to believe that deep down, they feel this way too, but who knows. We're all kind of drifting, so maybe they don't. I only really hang out with one of them any more, so at least i still have him! One works so much, he doesn't have much time for sleep let alone his friends, but he sees us when he can. The other...well, he and I drifted a long time ago but I still hold him close to my heart and consider him as one of my best friends. I guess we'll see where life takes us over the next couple of months when our California-bound friend has been gone for a while. Friendsgiving sure as hell won't be the same...if we even still do it this year :(

Alright, this is getting me all depressed now, and I have to get Chase ready to go to her Mimi's house so that Mark and I can catch a movie and lunch with my cousin and friend.
So here's to you, MK. You know I love you and I'm sorry for the mistakes I have made and the times I have taken our friendship for granted. I wish you nothing but the best. I look forward to our last party on the 4th. With love always,
Me.