Responsibilty, what's that?

I have come to the obvious conclusion that people are like a pair of dice. We all have different sides, and depending on how we are "rolled" in a situation, that's the number (or side) we show. Some of us have sides that we keep hidden from our family and friends. Some of us let all these sides show, although it could take years for certain ones to be seen. As I grow older, I'm realizing more and more how many of my "friends" have these different sides, that I was too naive to see before. Some friends have changed for the better, some I contemplate deleting from my Facebook, thus inevitably deleting them from my life (because let's face it, if it weren't for the social networks, more than half of us wouldn't have kept in touch...no matter how close we were in the past). It's not that simple to just cut someone completely out. Maybe to some people it is, but not to me. I hold on to things/people longer than I probably should. I know that whole cliche saying about how people are meant to come in to your life to love you, hurt you, blah blah blah. My problem is, I dwell on things too much and for too long. This would be one of my sides. The side that loves, attaches, gives too much, then gets left standing in a lonely cloud of dust wondering what I did wrong to make people leave or mistreat, and take my friendship for granted. This side has been here for years. Lately I have been discovering a new side, however. A side that says, "Fuck these people." And you know what? I like this side. I'm not going to go out of my way for people any more when they don't acknowledge or appreciate it.
Along with this new side of mine, I have realized a few others. There's my immature side...the 13 year old version of myself that still blares Hanson and Backstreet Boys music, sings all the lyrics at the top of my lungs, likes to throw silly themed parties and hand out childish favors. The one that watches hours and hours of Dawson's Creek or Full House episodes, and orders toys I owned in the 90s off of Ebay. (Total waste of money, but worth it for sheer nostalgic purposes...and I only ordered a few dolls...) whatever, shut up, Chase can play with them when she's older. GOD! Must you question everything I do?
Anyway, let's sum up this portion of the entry but briefly mentioning the rest of my new found sides, shall we? I have the wife side. She's mature, she takes care of things, tracks down missing keys and shoes. She makes the bed, cleans the house, does the laundry. She makes plans on behalf of her husband with family and friends. She cooks, and she's damn good at it. Sometimes, admittedly, she feels trapped, but she loves her life and wouldn't trade it. She's a mother, too. And the mommy side is in a whole different world entirely. It's tiring, it's emotional, it's amazing, it's fun, it's frustrating, it's rewarding, it's knowing that you did something completely right and feeling your heart just melt and your body turn into a puddle of mush the moment that baby smiles at you for the first time, and that every time the baby smiles and laughs and learns something new, you feel that mush moment all over again just like the first time. It's the best side a woman could have and it's my favorite.
Alright, I think this part of the blog has become gooey enough, so let's abruptly change the topic.
Plus, I think I overused the word "side", so stop with thiiis.
The housewife part of my die has a lot of work to do today. With the holiday weekend, I let chores fall by the wayside, and my laundry has been piling up for weeks. I have been up since 7:30am and have only done one load of laundry so far because 13 year old me said, "I don't wanna do my chores, I wanna watch season 4 of Dawson's Creek!" But I suppose I should get to work, I mean the baby is napping, so this would be the opportune moment. That, and I just finished the last episode on disc 2 of Dawson. I suppose the mature thing to do would be not to pop in disc 3 right now. We'll just have to  see which side is rolled...

Till next time.

Blarg

This week has been nothing but stress, and anger, and it just...it makes me...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've been ignoring my phone, and trying not to comment on status updates on Facebook because I fear I may say something that I don't mean just out of sheer annoyance at the world. It's just one of those weeks where stupid, little things keep going wrong, but they're just adding up to really piss me off. The pathetic thing is, I can't even pinpoint any one specific thing. It's just...one of "those" weeks. I was especially pissed off today. I was up 4 oz. when I got on the scale at my weigh in, and while that's really nothing, it still made me mad because I'm supposed to be in control of this thing. But this week, frankly my dear, I just didn't give a damn. Or a fuck. Or a shit. (I love adding unnecessary swear words in to sentences). I haven't gotten much sleep, and not because of Chase, I just because I couldn't sleep. Mark and I have this deal that when he comes home from work in the morning, he's supposed to take the baby for an hour or 2 so I can catch up on sleep. However, in the past week and a half, he hasn't even offered to take her. He was off yesterday, and he slept for like, 13 hours. He came home this morning and crashed on the couch, and didn't take Chase till I came downstairs ranting and raving about how I was lacking sleep and the least he could do was take his daughter so I could sleep for a little bit longer. I also  had my weigh in and whatnot today, so I was out for like, an hour. I was expecting my new phone to come via FedEx, so I asked Mark if he could sign for it if it came while I was out. He parked himself on the couch with the dogs, so that he would be sure to wake up and answer the door if he fell asleep. Sure enough, I came home, and there was a FedEx notice on the door indicating that nobody was there to sign for the package, so it will be here tomorrow instead by 3pm. I was livid. Normally, shit like this doesn't get to me. I've missed packages plenty of times, and they always came first thing the next day, but this incident was basically the last straw. I was really looking forward to getting that phone today and I considered it to be a big highlight for my week. But when I came home and realized I couldn't even count on Mark to answer the frickin' door, I just lost it. I know, it's dumb, but we all have our breaking points, and this was mine. Mark apologized and we made up, and all is well, but I can't help the small amount of agitation I still feel. Also, I say "but" a lot. Forgive me, I type as if I were speaking, so this is just how my thoughts come out. No editing, a slew of grammatical and spelling errors...all for your enjoyment. I just can't wait to go back to work so that I don't have to deal with this crap any more. I'm just tired of the same mundane routine. I have gained even more respect for permanent housewives (REAL ones) who do this day in and day out until their kids are grown. I've been doing this for approximately 1 year and 4 months, and I am so over it. I don't care what anyone says, being a housewife is more difficult than your typical 9-5 job. True story.

A little update, and some info about my new job :)

I graduated college in 2008 with a degree in Early Childhood/Elementary Education. I minored in Special Education, and I received state certification for Early childhood and special ed. It has been next to impossible trying to find the "perfect" teaching job. My county is extremely competitive, and now a lot of districts are laying off hundreds to thousands of teachers! I have taught preschool (which I loved) and I substitute taught, but I have been longing for my own classroom that operates in a traditional fashion. Well, I have been job hunting like a boss. Pretty much have been job hunting since I quit my last job, but not so actively. after a long search, I finally found a great job. A learning center in my county is expanding and opening up an elementary school for k-3 students. Their goal is to add 4th and 5th grade by 2012, and eventually add on 6-8th grade. The center is like a dream! I have worked in learning centers before, but this one tops them all. It has a nurse's office with a certified nurse on staff at all times (which I have NEVER seen in any other center around here), a library, several activity rooms (i.e. computer room), child care for infancy up to Pre-K, a wonderful playground that has a beautiful view of a fricken WATERFALL, and this list goes on and on. From the outside front view, the building doesn't look as big as it really is. Inside is like a maze. There's elevators, several staircases, a ton of rooms. There's a full kitchen with staff, and there's several break rooms for the employees. I've never had that luxury before (well, aside from the actual school where I substitute taught). I will be teaching kindergarten for this beautiful private school, but the best part? I get to bring Chase to work with me! While I am teaching in the school section on the 5th floor, Chase will be enrolled at a 1/2 price discount in the infant room on the 2nd floor. They pay well, they offer a full benefits package, and the owner is one of the most kind people I have ever met. He interviewed me personally...at my last center, I was lucky if I could even recall the owner's name. He said I was a "gem" and anyone would be a fool not to hire me. It was such a great experience, I forgot I was even being interviewed. The staff are all so friendly. Everyone greeted me kindly. I even was told to bring Chase with me to the interview! She got to spend some time in the infant room with 2 very nice employees and some fellow babies. They said she didn't cry or fuss at all, which was a big deal because lately if I hand her off to anyone, she freaks out and exhibits early signs of separation anxiety. I am really looking forward to starting this job. I am happy to be able to take Chase with me, so she can begin learning in a loving environment and socialize with other babies her age. I want her to get used to other people.
I would absolutely recommend this school to anyone looking for a place to send their children. I was able to visit some of the other rooms, too. I saw the toddler room (2 year olds), and they were all quiet, sitting in their seats and having a snack. The 3 year old room was a little chaotic, but there was no yelling from the teachers. One of the teachers said the kids were getting ready for recess, which is why they were all so hyper and running around (which I have experienced more times than I can count, so I didn't even think anything of this).
Now I know what you're all thinking, "But Laura, what about this awesome blog about being a housewife?" Aww, don't cry, guys. I don't start my job until August. Perhaps I will start a new blog and call it....Working Moms 101? The possibilities are endless...

And I said HEY! What's goin' on?

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This entry...sucks.

I think Chase is in denial about her age. She will be 6 months old on the 5th, but last night she slept as though she were still a newborn. She was awake every 2 hours...not even to eat, she was just tossing and turning and she just seemed frustrated. I was getting frustrated as well, and a frustrated mom+a frustrated baby is not a good mix. About the 5th time she woke up, she stayed awake for nearly 2 hours. Sigh. And of course Mark was no help because when he got home from work, he immediately crashed on the couch. I can't blame him, though. 3rd shift really sucks balls, and he didn't sleep that great over the weekend.

But anyway, so that was good times. Now this morning has been the morning from hell. I went to get my breakfast entree out of the microwave, and I completely ignored the warning that said: "Caution, peel back plastic cover with care." Burned the eff out of my left index finger. Then, as I was bringing said boiling entree of doom into the living room to eat, my dumbass self wasn't paying attention and I stubbed my toe on Chase's bouncy seat. So now my finger and my toe are both throbbing, and I'm trying to feed Chase her oatmeal, but she's too interested in pulling her bib off and playing with it. I have a bunch of errands to run today, and my mom just called asking if I wanted to combine our errand-running for the afternoon. Also, I'm beginning a Spring cleaning project on my house. I am planning on cleaning every crevice within this hell-hole, and getting rid of any and all clutter I come across. I am tired of all this stuff. I don't understand how Mark and I managed to accumulate so much unnecessary shit over the years. There are bags and bags of clothes in the basement that need to be donated...and have been sitting there for, no joke, 4 years. We just never got around to taking them to Goodwill, so instead I am scheduling for Purple Heart to come and take all this stuff away. Our basement looks like a scene from Hoarders. My summer projects are going to be setting up the guest room as well as my sewing room. I also want to start designing Chase's playroom, although actual construction on that won't take place until she's a toddler.
So my list today is a lengthy one, and I'm skipping the gym because I need to get this stuff taken care of, otherwise I'm gonna go insane.

Anyway, this entry blows, so Imma end it now. I'll come back when I have more witty and interesting things to say.

Oh yeah, and Osama's dead. That's pretty sweet, amirite? Virtual high five. Nice.