I have come to the obvious conclusion that people are like a pair of dice. We all have different sides, and depending on how we are "rolled" in a situation, that's the number (or side) we show. Some of us have sides that we keep hidden from our family and friends. Some of us let all these sides show, although it could take years for certain ones to be seen. As I grow older, I'm realizing more and more how many of my "friends" have these different sides, that I was too naive to see before. Some friends have changed for the better, some I contemplate deleting from my Facebook, thus inevitably deleting them from my life (because let's face it, if it weren't for the social networks, more than half of us wouldn't have kept in touch...no matter how close we were in the past). It's not that simple to just cut someone completely out. Maybe to some people it is, but not to me. I hold on to things/people longer than I probably should. I know that whole cliche saying about how people are meant to come in to your life to love you, hurt you, blah blah blah. My problem is, I dwell on things too much and for too long. This would be one of my sides. The side that loves, attaches, gives too much, then gets left standing in a lonely cloud of dust wondering what I did wrong to make people leave or mistreat, and take my friendship for granted. This side has been here for years. Lately I have been discovering a new side, however. A side that says, "Fuck these people." And you know what? I like this side. I'm not going to go out of my way for people any more when they don't acknowledge or appreciate it.
Along with this new side of mine, I have realized a few others. There's my immature side...the 13 year old version of myself that still blares Hanson and Backstreet Boys music, sings all the lyrics at the top of my lungs, likes to throw silly themed parties and hand out childish favors. The one that watches hours and hours of Dawson's Creek or Full House episodes, and orders toys I owned in the 90s off of Ebay. (Total waste of money, but worth it for sheer nostalgic purposes...and I only ordered a few dolls...) whatever, shut up, Chase can play with them when she's older. GOD! Must you question everything I do?
Anyway, let's sum up this portion of the entry but briefly mentioning the rest of my new found sides, shall we? I have the wife side. She's mature, she takes care of things, tracks down missing keys and shoes. She makes the bed, cleans the house, does the laundry. She makes plans on behalf of her husband with family and friends. She cooks, and she's damn good at it. Sometimes, admittedly, she feels trapped, but she loves her life and wouldn't trade it. She's a mother, too. And the mommy side is in a whole different world entirely. It's tiring, it's emotional, it's amazing, it's fun, it's frustrating, it's rewarding, it's knowing that you did something completely right and feeling your heart just melt and your body turn into a puddle of mush the moment that baby smiles at you for the first time, and that every time the baby smiles and laughs and learns something new, you feel that mush moment all over again just like the first time. It's the best side a woman could have and it's my favorite.
Alright, I think this part of the blog has become gooey enough, so let's abruptly change the topic.
Plus, I think I overused the word "side", so stop with thiiis.
The housewife part of my die has a lot of work to do today. With the holiday weekend, I let chores fall by the wayside, and my laundry has been piling up for weeks. I have been up since 7:30am and have only done one load of laundry so far because 13 year old me said, "I don't wanna do my chores, I wanna watch season 4 of Dawson's Creek!" But I suppose I should get to work, I mean the baby is napping, so this would be the opportune moment. That, and I just finished the last episode on disc 2 of Dawson. I suppose the mature thing to do would be not to pop in disc 3 right now. We'll just have to see which side is rolled...
Till next time.
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